Um...

It's been a long time. Not sure why I stopped. Pressure of work possibly. Feeling voiceless for a while. I think my brain ceased to work on a creative level. But it's possible that I'm back now. Possibly.

N

My daughter has changed. She is a teenager now and with that have come some dramatic changes. She is taller than me now. We are the same shoe size. She is developing 'attitude'. She is the sweetest, most generous, selfish, moody girl I know. She now spells her name Jenn. One more N and a whole lot of changes. Still lovely though.

The wanderer returns

Four loads of washing, trainers binned, long soaks in the bath. Yes, my lovely Jen has returned from an eventful week away. She will never be able to say she enjoyed herself, but she is, nevertheless, very proud of her achievements and willing to say that she got a lot out of the experience. I am particularly proud that she feels she has learned a lot about herself and her ability to push herself. Can't ask for more than that!

We had a lovely weekend (her father suddenly couldn't have her). She looked set to sleep all day Saturday, but surfaced at lunchtime. Throughout the weekend she talked about the different activities she'd done. There was almost a hint of enthusiasm. Almost. I don't think she'll be doing it again!

A week off?

My daughter is going away for a week. She's going, with all of Year 8, to the Outward Bound Centre in Abedovey in Wales. She'll be doing various activities - all of which I did as a young person (and loved) but none of which she enjoys. She's a real towny - hates the sea, hates the countryside - so this will be a real test for her.













However, this will be a week off for me. No more morning battles as I have to drag her out of bed for school. No more angst over homework. No having to leave school with piles of marking so that I can get her home at a decent time. No meat (she's a real carnivore and I still hanker after my vegetarian days). No cooking, if I don't feel like it. No more Disney channel...

Instead, I can stay in bed for an extra 30 minutes every morning. I can stay at school until I've finished my work. I can go out mid-week (not that I'l have the energy). And, as she's going to her Dad's for the weekend after her trip, I'll also get a lie in at the weekend.

Should I feel guilty about this? I will miss her and I will worry (a little) that she's not having a good time. However, I think this will be a fantastic opportunity for her. And an even better opportunity for me to have a break.

Unfortunately, this is the forecast for the week in Aberdovey:



Hmmm... just a little guilty.

Happpy New Year!

I can't believe it's 2012. 2011 is best forgotten. Here's to a brighter 2012. For everyone.

End of term bugs

Why, just as I am about to take 40 children to France for a week, have I developed the chest infection from hell?

Actually, the clue was in the phone conversation I had with my doctor today.

Doctor: Is it your chest again?

MC: Cough, yes, cough.

Doctor: Pick up your prescription at the desk on your way home from school.

MC: Thank you.

Doctor: So you are at school?

MC: Cough...

Doctor: I expect I'll see you in two weeks for more antibiotics then.

She knows me so well.

Just back from the first night of the school production. Lots of hairspray and costume changes (and safety pins for emergency repairs). Pupils were amazing. One of our best productions.
Exhausted now. Just finished second glass of wine...

Ummm....

I'm sorry. Work has been so dominant in my life that I haven't felt like I had time to blog. There have been things to write about - not all pleasant - but my creative juices have been spent on school stuff. I do plan to blog soon though. Honest!

Half Term

Half term at last. A week is not long enough, however, to finish the kitchen, see the dentist, see the optician, take the cats for their jabs, get new school uniform and shoes for Jen (she's grown again), write the reports, mark the coursework, teach the half term revision classes and have a rest. Something will not get done.

No prizes for guessing the one thing which won't happen.

Having a rest.

But just about everything else will have to get done.

When is Easter?

Long time, no see...

Has it really been six months?

How did that happen?

Not since I wrote my blog.

Since I saw my lovely man.

And since I wrote my blog, as it happens.

Coincidence?

Probably not.

Six ridiculously long months. An impossible relationship. Never try to have a relationship when:
a) you're a single mum who doesn't get much free time
b) the man works abroad a lot, at short notice
c) your free time and his free time never coincide
d) when the free time does coincide, daughter is ill, parents are ill, you are ill, or he gets swine flu

Not a recipe for a good relationship.

But, seeing him on Saturday pushed all this to the back of my mind and suddenly I feel like blogging again. A strange reaction perhaps, but it was so hard to blog, when every time I logged on I saw my last post.

However, here I am. The last six months have been mad actually. The summer was much better than I'd expected and I actually felt quite rested at the end of it. I'm typing on the wrong laptop, so I only have a few pictures, but here are some of the things I've been doing.

Paris with Mum was great, if exhausting. She had a fabulous time, although I forgot how old and frail she is and I walked her off her feet. We had a good giggle though and plenty of alcohol; indeed most of my pictures look just like this - only in different locations. We had a wonderful dinner in the Eiffel Tower, another on a boat on the Seine and some great lunches too. I bought us bus tour tickets, so we could hop on and hop off so we saw all the sights. It was a relationship building time and I know we will both treasure the memories. Mum's cancer seems to be back with a vengeance now, so I'm really glad we had this trip.

Another capital city, another great trip. Little E and I had a luxurious few days in London. We walked miles, had a boat trip along the Thames, went to a performance of We Will Rock You (which was fab), shopped in Harrods and giggled a lot. While in Harrods, my wannabee fashion designer daughter discovered the designer sections and she was in heaven. In fact, I gave up following her and went to the Champagne bar. Two glasses later I was very relaxed and she had spent thousands of imaginary pounds.

We ended the Summer in Devon. We spent most of the time with Mum and Dad, but we still managed some therapy time with Little E's godparents. They have an amazing house in Wembury - the beach in the photo is at the end of their lane - and I only have to walk in to their house and I relax. They are wonderful friends. Little E loves being there; their three children are my godchildren and they get on brilliantly with Jen.

As I write, I wonder why I have always used Little E's nickname, instead of her real name. At first it was to protect her. She's known as Little E because her surname begins with E. She's actually called Jennifer, or Jen. There, I've outed her!

This academic year has seen a major change in our daily routine. Jen started high school in September - my high school - so there is only one school journey to make. She has settled in brilliantly and I'm so proud of her. It's lovely to be at the same school. We were worried about it at first, but it's worked out really well. It's actually really nice to see her when I'm on playground duty and she doesn't seem embarrassed by me... yet.

Within two days of the start of term I forgot that I'd had a Summer holiday and was thrown into the worst term I've ever had. However, I managed to rise above the issues and school is now considerably better (but still ridiculously busy).

So what else have I been up to? Well, very little socialising, that's for sure. I did embark on a project - I had the kitchen completely re-done. Living with my kitchen in the dining room for a month was no fun - particularly as it snowed constantly. It now looks wonderful - pics are on my other laptop which is a school - but it was hard work while it was done!

I finally finished painting the walls at 5 a.m., the day my parents arrived for Christmas. At the same time as doing the kitchen, I also chose to re-do Jen's bedroom. New furniture, new colours, new curtains. I ordered a skip for all the old furniture and decided that, since I had a skip, I should get rid of all the junk which has been cluttering my home and my head for the past seven years. It was incredibly therapeutic, but would have been easier if the skip hadn't kept filling up with snow.

Christmas was the best Christmas for years. Jen says that should have an exclamation mark after it, as we were both surprised by how well it all went. Mum and Dad had a lovely time - I know Mum appreciated the break from having to deal with Dad on her own. Dad is in the early stages of dementia, but he was on good form while he was here.

So, that brings me to the present. I have just had a lovely weekend with the lovely man. Finally. Hopefully it won't be six months before we see each other again.

Today, I am writing this from my bed. I'm on antibiotics at the moment and they seem to have violently disagreed with me. Jen is also off school, with a very bad back, so we're having a duvet day. This, perhaps, is why I can finally write my blog. A day off which I wasn't expecting, with no obvious work to do and nobody demanding a report or an action plan or anything, except some TLC. Oh, to have one of these every week!

Summer Holidays

I drove home from school on the last day of term in tears. Instead of looking forward to a well-earned rest after a difficult year at school, I was dreading the prospect of a five week break, with no 'me' time. Little E's father is only having her for 6 days this summer - he's not taking her on holiday with him when he, his wife and Little E's brother go to Wales for two weeks and he's not even planning to spend the odd weekend with her after this week. In fact, I discovered this morning that, although Little E is with him this week, he's working and she's been farmed out to one of his friends who has children the same age...

Anyway, I have been extremely stressed about the summer as I was very aware that I have been quite close to breaking point for a couple of weeks. It's not that I don't want to spend time with LE, it's just that I know I'm a better mum when I've had a break. Added to all this. my father instructed me to take my mum to Paris, while LE was with her dad; this meant that the few days I would have to recharge my batteries were whipped away from me and I have spent the past few weeks organising the trip, including the wheelchair assistance at the airports and everything else necessary for taking an 85 year old, deaf, partially sighted, infirm lady away on holiday.

So... the only evening I had for myself, for the entire summer, when I could spend time with my lovely man, was last night. We went down to Upottery, where the pub in which my little bro lives and works is, had a wondeful walk (down the lane in the picture above), stood on a river bridge watching the world (kingfishers and tractors) go by, had a lovely meal in the pub and then had a great time taking part in the quiz (which we won). The weather was glorious and for those few, brief hours I relaxed and felt like I was on holiday.

It was a long way to go for an evening, but it was worth it. I have just got back home and have been sorting out the final details for the trip to Paris, but I'm not feeling so negative about the summer. Sometimes you just have to seize the moment. When you do, life feels so good.

Family

I rarely post pictures of my family; somehow it seems as though I'm giving too much away in such a public arena. However, I am so proud of my parents that I felt I should post a picture of them, taken on their 65th Wedding Anniversary, on 30th June.
Mum is 85 and Dad is 88. They met during the Second World War and married as soon as the war ended. Mum only found out a few years ago that the parachute silk Dad gave her to make a wedding dress was not a damaged one that couldn't be used, as he'd claimed, but rather a perfectly good one on which he smeared a tiny bit of oil so that it couldn't be used... He has carried on behaving in this manner all his life!


My brother and I took them to the Artillery Tower restaurant in Plymouth. It is a wonderful restaurant in a quirky place - a 500 year old artillery tower overlooking the sea. The food is amazing and we had a fabulous time. I had arranged for the telegram from the Queen and the flowercard to arrive in the morning and for champagne to be popped as we arrived. Everything went so smoothly and, in spite of both parents being in poor health, we had a fabulous time.




We have had a stormy relationship over the years, but I am still very proud of my parents, for what they've achieved and for the way they still get out and enjoy some of the finer things in life. Although they are becoming increasingly frail, they still want to visit places and travel. Which is why I've just spent several hours booking a city break in Paris for Mum and me for the week after I break up from school...

Satisfaction

Sim card arrived and I haven't stopped loving my iphone. There is an App for everything. The other day, I was on my way to a training course on the other side of Birmingham. I took a wrong turn and got hopelessly lost in a very dodgy part of the city, but I stopped, pulled out my iphone, pressed the map app and it told me where I was and how to escape! Brilliant.

My other source of satisfaction is having a lovely man who makes me feel fantastic when we see each other. The best feeling ever. Better than an iphone. Much better.

Frustration...

Got one of these on Tuesday.


Still waiting for one of these.



Grrrrrrrr...

Life is short, so carpe deum.

I have had a good half term. It's the last day of the break and I'm taking stock. Although the week didn't start well, as I spent three days in Plymouth with Mum and Dad, it ended brilliantly.

Mum and Dad are both struggling with ill health. I have been going down to Plymouth every other weekend to look after them and do all the jobs they can't do and it has been exhausting. I took Little E with me this time; she was bored but made me so proud as she did her best to cheer up her grandparents. I took them all up to the pub at which Little bro is now working (and living), in a beautiful village near Exeter.
I could live in a village like this!






Home on Tuesday evening, chill day Wednesday, teaching Thursday (yes really). But, the teaching was followed by a lovely lunch here:









This was the start of me feeling like a grown up again. Little E went to her dad's on Thursday morning and comes back tonight. SO... I started to live a little...


Went on another date on Friday and had dinner here. I had a very special time...







On Saturday I met up with another lovely friend and we walked for miles on Cannock Chase.

We saw:








We heard:






We ended the day here:



I'm now feeling good, about myself, about life in general and as a result I am now ready to get fit, lose weight and let myself be happy. What a great week!

Hello again

I know it's been a long time and I do keep popping in to see if anyone has written a blogpost for me (where is the blog fairy when you need her?) but life has been manic.







It was finish the coursework and get it sent off time.
It's build up to exam time.
It's Faculty review time.
It's get the SEF/action plan/development plan/raising achievement plan done time.
It's popping down to Devon every other weekend to look after Mum and Dad.
It's marking.
It's more marking.
It's being a single, working mum (which means being a taxi driver, home help, agony aunt and, since puberty has come early to the E household, being on the receiving end of some wonderful strops) time.
It's I haven't got time for me time.

But it will soon be:
Year 11 leave time
Half term break time
Dry the washing on the line and not in the house because I'm doing it at two in the morning time
Actually read a book at bedtime without falling asleep time

It might even be write in my blog more frequently time.

If I wake up.

Oh yes - it's get more than four hour's sleep a night time.

Phew!

Count your blessings. Not always easy.

Dad's back in hospital, friend's husband killed in a road accident yesterday, brother's MIL died, peacefully, on Friday.

All these things make me realise that I should count my blessings and live life to the full. It's just hard. Very hard.

Sending out love and prayers to everyone. Two very special people died this weekend.

The NHS

Just over 60 years ago, my parents became the first generation to pay National Insurance contributions. They were promised a bright future, with good education, good healthcare and, through the welfare state, they were promised that they would be looked after by the state in their old age.

So... please will someone explain to me why my 87 year old father is now seriously ill in hospital (not because of the operation for which he originally went in) and social services are not interested in helping me put together a care package to support my mum (who is going blind, although very active and bright considering she's 84 years old) or my dad, should he be fortunate to survive and come home from hospital?

And - while you're at it - can you explain why my brothers are doing nothing to support mum, dad or me?

Dad went into hospital three weeks ago for a knee replacement. He was due to go in the following week, but the hospital phoned him to say they'd had a cancellation and would he like to come in a week early. He went in at 7am and sat around all day in an uncomfortable chair, in a hospital gown, without food or drink, until 4pm when a nurse announced that the surgeon had run out of time and therefore my father would have to go home.

That sparked my first complaint. My second complaint came when, following a call to the hospital I was informed he would have to wait until April as his original slot had been filled. Miraculously, the slot became free and he went in two weeks ago.

He should have been out after five days. Unfortunately, he had a mild stroke following the operation but with no obvious effects (apart from some weakness on the side where he'd had the knee replacement). Amazingly, he started to try to move his leg but then, while mum was visiting, he started to be violently sick - as did other patients on the ward. The nurses shut the ward but told my 84 year old mum she could stay... They didn't prevent her from visiting the next day either, or stop her from cleaning my dad up because he had soiled himself.

They moved him into a small room on his own. The next morning he phoned mum in tears because he was freezing. Third complaint to the hospital - only to be told, and I can still hardly believe this myself, that because of cuts to the budget and because they had no money to spend until April, they were no longer heating single bed rooms.

My dad has heart problems, low blood pressure, a new knee, the norovirus, yet no heating.

Speechless.

Mum went and bought a single duvet and a hot water bottle and risked the infected ward to take them in to him yesterday.

I now have the direct line to the Chief Executive at Derriford Hospital. There is now heating in his room.

Through all this my poor mum has been struggling. As she can no longer drive she's been catching the bus to and from the hospital every day. I have been down as much as I can (not easy as a single, working mum; my little brother doesn't work...) and I've been fortunate to have a very understanding head who has given me time off, but couldn't go this weekend. Mum is terrified that I will catch the bug and, although I haven't told her, I fell down the stairs at school on Thursday and I can hardly walk, never mind drive to Devon. I too am terrified - that Mum will get the bug.

The National Health Service and the Welfare State and the promise of care for life. Yeh, right.

Half term

Half term. Like WM I have a list, but I am so far behind already that I've put it to one side and I'm pretending it doesn't exist. Why does half term go so quickly?
It has been good though, in places.
Friday: Chinese takeaway and lots of fizz with bf K and family.
Saturday: um...slept all day.
Sunday: picked up friend from airport after she had married the Egyptian she'd met once before. Great way to spend Valentines day. But then got text which made the day perfect and led to something lovely on Monday.
Monday: Taught two hour coursework session on Romeo and Juliet (what half term?)
Pub lunch with P - our half term ladies wot lunch date
Evening date with the texter. (Big smile on face...)
Tuesday: in school briefly, then off to visit L and her beautiful one week old daughter, then rushed home following call from Little E's dad to say LE had passed out and wasn't well. Called doc, met LE at docs to be told she had a viral infection and needed to drink plenty. Which sort of begs the question, why wasn't her dad making sure she was drinking plenty? Home for long cuddle on sofa, with plenty of water and calpol. One much happier daughter.
Wednesday: Daughter looking much better, although not well enough for the party she'd been invited to this afternoon. mainly a sofa day for her, with a bit of work for me. Oh - and it's snowing.
Tomorrow: we are looking after bf's daughter for the day, so cupcakes will be made.
Snow also forecast.
Friday: dentist, followed by trip to Flight Centre to start planning our epic
holiday. The quick dash to M&S to buy me some new school trousers.
Lots more snow forecast.
Then it's Saturday! Where did the week go?

Did I mention I had a date on Monday night? Still smiling. In spite of the snow.

A man's a man for a' that

I pop in and look at my blog quite frequently. It's a bit like looking at my monthly payslip - for some reason I keep hoping to see more.

I love reading my fellow bloggers' blogs. I end each day, after
marking/preparing/writing action plans/writing the SEF, browsing through the blogs, keeping in touch and up-to-date, empathising, laughing and constantly in awe of the way in which everyone else keeps their blog up-to-date.

So I started thinking. Is it that I have nothing to write about, because I have no time to do anything other than work? Or is it that I do have things to write about but no time? No energy? Sadly it's a bit of each.

Since school started in January, work has been crazy. With a one day respite because of the snow, then the poor attendance of the pupils (all of whom live very close to school and some of whom even had the brass neck to sledge on the school fields but not come into school because their parents said it was too slippery), it was an unsettled start. We have had an ofsted inspector in to train the SMT how to judge lessons using the new framework, we have had a learning and teaching review and now I am supposed to be typing the pre-review briefing for the Faculty I line-manage (the review is the week after next). Alongside this is the day-to-day teaching and huge effort to get Years 10 and 11 close to their target grades. This ridiculous obsession with reviewing everything that moves is getting me down.

On the home front things haven't been much easier. Little E's dad has decided that he can't collect Jen on a Friday evening, when she's due to spend a weekend with him, as he has to pick up her baby brother from nursery on Fridays. Can you hear me holding my tongue? Now, don't get me wrong, it is nice to have Little E for an extra night each week, but it does mean that my weekend opportunities have lessened. I don't like going out if Little E is home, so I save my socialising for when she's at her dad's. I'm not martyr, I do get a babysitter sometimes, but I feel better if she's not around when I go out.

The major downside of all this is that LE feels like her dad doesn't want her there anymore. Last time she was there, quietly eating her breakfast he yelled at her for not chatting at the table. He followed this up with the appalling comment "I can always speak to your mum about you not coming here anymore." I'm still holding my tongue - nothing offensive on this blog!

I have been out though.
Last night I went to a Burns' Supper. I was asked to do the Lassies' response. Now, I've never been to a Burns' Night Supper so this sent me rushing to Google. I read all about the traditions and the poetry but nowhere could I find an example of a Lassies' Response to the Laddies' toast to the Lassies. All I could find were instructions to be witty, inoffensive and make reference to some of Burns' poetry. Very unhelpful. In the end I wrote something, a poem in fact, and hoped that it would all be ok. In writng the poem, I confess I was inspired by Working Mum's last blog and my friend Anne.


First, the toasting of the Haggis, with appropriate Burns' poem. Then, after eating, the homage to Burns (which went on for a while (mine was only short - help!), then the toast to the Lassies' which went on and on and on. Several pages of witticisms, an exploration of Burns' attitude to women and a few of the speaker's own chauvinistic opinions fortunately set my mind at rest. My response was, after all, most appropriate.

The Lassies’ Response (with apologies to Burns and thanks to WM)
after A Red, Red Rose and A Man’s a Man for a’ that

O, laddies are like red roses,
Lolling round the day long,
We lassies pick up all their cloth-és,
Make decisions, choose the roses,
But we love them still and that’s a fact,
For a man’s a man for a’ that.

As fair art thee, our canny lads,
As strong, as bold, as brave,
Tho’ ne’er a thought for what to cook,
Or change the loo roll, do the shop,
We love thee still and that’s a fact,
For a man’s a man for a’ that.

Till a’ the seas gang dry, my dears,
Cos you’ve left the tap on,
Till a’ our tears gang dry, my dears,
Cos you’ll never change, that’s clear,
We’ll love thee then and that’s a fact,
For a man’s a man for a’ that.

And fare thee weel, our kind laird Bob,
And fare thee weel dear Ann,
And we will come again, next year,
Drink your scotch, down your beer,
And we’ll still love thee and that’s a fact,
For the man needs Ann for a’ that.

Not bad for a stressed, over-worked single mum.

Now I have to decide if I'm suffering from the onset of flu, or a hangover.

So. I do have a life... sometimes!